Do grownups really like bullies after all?

There are grownup bullies too.

I've worked in environments with all 'adults' where there is plenty of bullying. It isn't confined to schools. :(

That's terribly sad to read. In the UK schools take bullying very seriously (although there are some regrettable exceptions) and make every effort to stop it.

I'm a governor at a local primary school (ages 5-11) and the children there feel there is very little bullying, and what there is is dealt with immediately. I just hope we don't become complacent.

They talk to the children, and their friends, and try to find out what's going on. The bullies are punished, and often excluded.

The bullies *know* they won't get away with it, and the victims know they'll be listened to. The system isn't perfect, but it helps.

*sigh*

Do grownups really like bullies after all? Do they really want the bullied kids to be hurt? How does someone like that get to be a school official anyway?

Looking around the interweb, sometimes I find lots of evidence of people eventually turning ... callous.

When "I don't do nice" becomes an accolade and someone who feels hurt by a flame is being ridiculed and flamers are being worshipped as people who "cleanse" the internet of badfic.

"Bullies are everywhere". "Life is unfair". "They never promised you a rose garden".

Just grow up.

You know? If that's what being grown up means? I'm so with you: I'll happily remain a kid.

First off, that’s a very sad story. But to be fair, it was written to tell that boy’s story and doesn’t seem to me to be pretending to be a piece of research on bullying or even investigative journalism and it’s quite clear that we’re not getting the full story. Still, I absolutely agree that school officials should be doing something. I just personally think that it often comes down to a lack of training that makes them turn a blind eye. With bullies, you’re very often talking psychological issues, family problems, etc. and not all teachers or school officials are trained to deal with that. Like Nilmandra said, bullies don’t just exist in the schoolyard – like most of us I’ve experienced bullying in school and out of it and for me it was the bullying in the workplace that was most traumatic – and it’s too easy to just blame the people in charge for not doing anything. I guess what I’m saying is that there are a lot more issues there than it might seem.

That's actually a pretty typical case of a badly bullied kid. HE gets in trouble. The bullies walk free. HE must have 'done something'. For years, my self-esteem was in the toilet from constantly hearing that as a kid. "You must have done SOMETHING to DESERVE it..." I didn't even KNOW most of the kids. I'd never done or said anything to or about any of them. I was the kind of kid who just wanted to mind my own business, do my work, and get OUT of there. I got beat on for years, followed home, harassed, called every name in the book. If I said something? "What did you do to deserve it?" or "You know, you're a trouble maker...cry baby, tattle tale...etc." I never DARED to fight back. Learned that early. One day, in full view of the teacher, a girl kept getting up and slapping me in the face. Every few minutes WHAM. He did nothing. Finally, after a couple of hours, I couldn't take it, and DID slap her back. It's the ONLY time I ever retaliated. I was promptly sent to the principals office.

After awhile, knowing I'd done nothing, said nothing, I just figured there was something WRONG/BAD/DIFFERENT about me. I hated myself. I often wished I was dead. No kid should have to feel that way.

Popular kids and their cliques can be some of the WORST...and the teachers still adore them. Treat them like little princes and princesses, even JOIN the bullying sometimes, with snarky comments to their victims as well. Been there, done that, too.

Assault is assault. If someone is getting beaten, it should ALWAYS go to the police.

Sorry. You got my hot-button. :) I LOATHE bullies. It took my taking on a scary, CRAZY persona in highschool just to end the PHYSICAL part. The words continued, but I could by then at least fight back on that. I actually got very good at it. But then, hearing that you're a pig 50 times a day every day from whoever feels like saying it? You either get good at slamming back with a better response, or just curl up and die.

-Dira-

Exactly the same. As are the judges who tell you that 'he doesn't look like such a monster."

(Been there, done that, too.)

-Dira-

*nods*

What really bothers me about schools' mishandling of bullying is that it often gets perilously close to child abuse-by-proxy. First you have a child singled out for humiliation, not to mention the physical injury which can be quite extensive on its own. Then you have an adult in authority tell the kid (or imply) that they must have done something to deserve it. If a parent hit, humiliated, and blamed a child he'd go to jail. (Or any adult, including the principal, if the principal did the hitting.) Yes, I know the principal isn't the one actually doing the hitting, but from the child's POV it's all rolled into one hurtful incident, and the principal's reaction compounds what the bully does and lends it legitimacy.

So yeah, I definitely think that this shouldn't happen. Even if life is unfair, shouldn't small children be cushioned from that? Because a primary-school kid probably doesn't have the emotional resources to deal with this situation.

Btw, on the remaining-a-kid thing: I keep saying that hobbits didn't come of age until 33 and so I have full license to behave like a tweenager until then. And when I reach that point I'll claim the LACE factoid that elves were juveniles until 50. :-)

I'm not sure I agree that tha'ts the worst part. IMO, it's much worse for a child to think they deserve to be injured. But I suspect that's largely a question of what's most important to a person. I certainly think not being able to trust authorities is really bad, too.