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What Has Brown Done To You Lately?

I ordered some more poppy seeds for bagels, and I thought I was having them shipped US Postal Service. But alas, it turns out that the company decided to use UPS's "Basic" service instead. What follows is a warning to anyone thinking about shipping something in the future.

Do not use the UPS "Basic" service.

It's cheap, and you get exactly what you pay for, which is service so crappy that it's extraordinary even for the notably crappy UPS. UPS's normal MO is to make three delivery attempts in three days, and to leave a package slip on your door if you're not there. Once you get the package slip, you can either wait at home all day for the next delivery attempt or call UPS, punch in the Sooper Sekrit code to talk to a human being, and attempt to reschedule delivery to a day that you or a neighbor can be home. After three attempts, they return your package to sender.

This is with their normal "service." Here is what happens with their Basic service: You get one-count-it-one delivery attempt. If you're not home on the day that the guy in the ugly brown shirt turns up at your door, the driver is authorized to ship your package back to sender right then and there, and you'll never know about it. Many UPS drivers think this is stupid (and they're right), so they leave you a package slip and take the packages to the nearest UPS shipping facility and kind of hide them there.

You come home from the library, see the package slip, and call UPS. They have no record of what happened to your package. You call again, press the Sooper Sekrit talk-to-a-human-being code, and the human being first tells you she has no idea where your package is, then, when pressed, gives you the address of the shipping facility, where you have five business days to ransom it before it gets returned.

You take the bus to the train to the second bus to get to the shipping facility, where a smirking guy at the pickup counter explains the dirty little secret behind Basic service, that the driver could have returned your package, but out of the goodness of his heart decided to bring it to the shipping facility so that you could have the enormous privilege granted to you as a special favor from the United Parcel Service of being allowed to pick up merchandise that you bought and paid for. Aren't you special?

UPS sucks big hairy monkey balls. It should not be a "special favor" for them to do their job and deliver your package. Even the USPS has the basic courtesy to hold a package if they don't want to leave it. UPS is charging molto bucks for the service of delivering packages, and they make only half-assed attempts at actually delivering the packages they are paid to deliver.

Do your recipient a favor, and don't use UPS.

Comments

frenchpony
Jul. 12th, 2009 02:14 pm (UTC)
What assholes, a bag of poppy seeds is too large to leave by the door?

UPS has a policy of not leaving anything in an apartment lobby. They will cheerfully leave a package out on the porch of a private, single-family home, or even on the doorstep close to the road, but God forbid they should leave packages for apartment dwellers.

They probably teach it on orientation day.

Special after-lunch practice session, I bet.

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frenchpony
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