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Drama And Blood

So, last night, part of my grand plan for March kicked into motion. At 7:30 p.m., I swept grandly into the small theater in the student union and sat down to watch my very own play (and two others) being performed. The performances were really well done -- the directors and actors had clearly put a great deal of work into this show. The first play was a comedic drama about dorm life, and the third play was an intense drama about a troubled father-son relationship set in New York over Thanksgiving. But the second play. . . .ahhh, that one was mine. It was much shorter than the other two, only ten minutes or so, and it served as a nice little divertisment between them. I met the director before the performance, and he was absolutely charming. He'd loved the play from the moment he read it, and the actors all had a good time with it, too.

Basically, the story goes like this: Jesus has raised Lazarus from the dead, and Lazarus realizes that his wallet is missing. The curtain opens as he shows up at the Nazareth County Coroner's Office, where a not-very-imaginative secretary asks him what he needs. It turns out that, in order to retrieve his wallet, he merely needs to present some ID. . . ID that is currently in his wallet. His relationship to the deceased? Well, he is the deceased. The secretary is not convinced. She thinks he's a con artist trying to steal a dead man's identity and calls a guard to arrest him. The guard thinks he's drunk and lays hands on Lazarus to haul him off to the station to dry out. "Aw, Jesus Christ!" Lazarus cries. A chorus of angels sounds, and The Man himself shows up.

It turns out that Jesus really hasn't thought this resurrection through, and he goes about trying to fix the problem. He's still not too skilled with the miracle thing, though, and after a few bobbles (during which he accidentally turns the secretary's coffee into a rather nice Chardonnay), it turns out to be the guard who comes up with the perfect solution to the problem.

The performance was great. Lazarus was appropriately flustered, Jesus was even more hippie-like than I had imagined him, everyone did a great job. The director (who also played Lazarus) kept the chorus-of-angels sound cue and added a really nifty backlight for the miracles that I thought was very funny. There was a reception for playwrights, directors, and actors tonight, so I got to meet Jesus and the guard. And I'll get a videotape and, once the real bureaucratic red tape is vanquished, my $30 prize fairly soon.

The reason I'm not watching tonight's performance is that I'm at work. And, while we get many odd requests for information and help here at the Key Desk, tonight was the first time that blood was involved.

I stopped at the ladies' room before showing up, and I noticed a large wad of very bloody tissues in the trash can. Then I went to the key desk. . . and there, sitting with the girl who had the shift before me, was an elderly lady having a massive nosebleed. It had dripped over her sweater and her purse, and she had a wad of bloody tissues pressed against her nose. It turned out that her nose had been bleeding for twenty minutes.

Since no one should have to sit around bleeding for twenty minutes without something being done, I told the girl I was relieving to call for help. (She is a sweet girl, but gets nauseous at the sight of blood and just falls apart when presented with a real emergency.) We called the non-emergency police line, they transferred us to 911, and 911 sent paramedics. The nosebleed stopped by itself about the time the paramedics arrive, as nosebleeds are wont to do. The paramedics checked the lady out, and she seemed to be pretty much okay now that the bleeding had stopped, and she declined to go to the hospital. So everything turned out pretty much okay in the end. The lady was kind of embarrassed to have caused a fuss, but my position is, it's better to call the paramedics and not need them than need them and not have them around.

After she left, I cleaned up a few stray bloodstains and settled down to work. I have to say, it was far more interesting than the usual beginning of my night shift. . .


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 9th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
I'm so glad your play went well, Pony. It must be thrilling to see other people acting your words like that. And you're right about the bleeding woman. It may have turned out to be nothing serious but there was no way to know that.

I've been out on departmental business tonight so I probably won't get to your new chapter until tomorrow. Something to look forward to.
Mar. 9th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
It's great seeing one's own play up on stage. For one thing, it meant that I could be part of this play festival while doing almost no work other than print the play and fill out a few forms to get paid. And I hadn't even looked at that play in months, so it was fairly fresh for me. What I love about seeing my plays produced is that I'm seeing the director's interpretation added onto my script. This director added some wonderful touches that I would never have thought of.

I have to say, I'm glad that I'm the type who doesn't scare easily in an emergency. Somebody's got to be the cool head in situations like that.

And don't worry about the chapter. It's not like it's going anywhere.
Mar. 9th, 2006 07:34 am (UTC)
You have a very interesting way of putting a twist on things, FP. Combining miracles and bureaucracy. (I suspect bureaucracy might win. Short of thunderbolts ... and even then ...)

And you're practical with it. Far better to call the paramedics. (I like the idea of stray bloodstains.)
Mar. 9th, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
Bureaucracy wins every time, natch. You think a few miracles can stand up to the awesome power of forms?

No way do I leave people of any age to bleed all over the key desk without at least having someone take a look and give a paramedical paraopinion. That's just common sense.
Mar. 9th, 2006 01:33 pm (UTC)
the awesome power of forms


Nothing can stand up to a fifteen page form that tells you in tiny font somewhere on page ten of the accompanying instructions that you have to fill it in in red ink on the third Thursday of the month under a gibbous moon.
Mar. 9th, 2006 01:42 pm (UTC)
Oh, you get those sorts of forms, too? That explains the British Empire, then. Distract the natives with forms, then take over when they're not looking.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 9th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
Any chance of a tiny video appearing on an lj near me sometime in the future?

Probably not, since I don't own the technology to transfer VHS to LJ. Sorry. But it was a lot of fun.

Twenty minutes is just way too long for any woman who's not having her period to be bleeding. If nothing else, this poor lady was pretty much trapped at the key desk, unable to move lest she spill more blood down the front of her sweater. You just can't sit around and watch when something like that happens.
Mar. 9th, 2006 12:09 pm (UTC)
LOLOL! Sounds hysterical. But I want to know what happens in the end... I'm very glad you enjoyed it. And it sounds like all involved were impressed with your writing.

You were right to get help for that woman. Bleeding for twenty minutes, especially in an elderly person, could have been serious. I hope she's ok. What an interesting life you have!
Mar. 9th, 2006 01:30 pm (UTC)
So the guard figures out the solution: Lazarus was dead. End of Lazarus. But he's standing there in the office, so he must have been reborn. Jesus gave him back his life. And the only man who can give life is, of course, a father. Jesus signs the form as Lazarus's father. Lazarus promptly falls on his knees and thanks and blesses as his holy Savior. . . the guard who came up with the plan. Jesus kvetches that he's the son of God here. The secretary insists that she'll need to see some ID for that. Curtain.

I hope the lady is OK, too. In the end, she seemed mostly embarrassed to have had the paramedics over, but that's what they're paid for. I'm glad we didn't have to stretcher her out of there in an ambulance or anything. This little episode ended just fine for my tastes.
Mar. 9th, 2006 07:43 pm (UTC)
ROTFL!! God, I'd love to have seen it! What fun.

You be sure and use that $30 to treat yourself :-)
Mar. 9th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
You be sure and use that $30 to treat yourself :-)

Yes, ma'am! Maybe I'll get myself a nice, shiny new book.
Mar. 11th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)
Your play sounds delightful. At first I thought the blood was to be in the drama, but, no, it's real life! I'm glad it all worked out. A 20-minute nosebleed is certainly a cause for concern.
Mar. 11th, 2006 05:41 am (UTC)
Well, the comedy was on the stage but the drama with the blood was at the key desk. And the vessel with the pestle holds the pellet with the poison, but the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true. (Tip of the hat to Danny Kaye.)

Yeah, that was one exciting Wednesday evening there. I'm really glad the nosebleed lady didn't have to go to the hospital. I hope she's okay.
Mar. 12th, 2006 11:56 pm (UTC)
I already like you, Pony. Quoting Danny Kaye routines is just frosting on the cake. lol
Mar. 13th, 2006 12:00 am (UTC)
I aim to please. At this stage of Le Thesis, the mind does weird things.
Mar. 12th, 2006 11:58 am (UTC)
As someone who once had to build a "proof of life" for herself, let me tell you that your Lazaro was very fortunate, and the officer quite understanding and proactive! I assume that bureaucracy is one of those things that really evolved for the very worst with the centuries! :-)

Congratulations, and enjoy your prize!
Mar. 12th, 2006 02:59 pm (UTC)
Well, I was writing a play that was only supposed to take ten or fifteen minutes, so the bureaucracy couldn't possibly be as bad as real life. Real life would have taken months to sort that situation out. In fact, I think that the real-life scenario that gave me the idea for the play in the first place hadn't been resolved after several months. But the play had to take ten minutes, and have time for two on-stage miracles, so things had to be compressed a little.

I'll enjoy the prize if I ever get it. True to form, that check is still tied up in red tape. The other playwrights and I are starting to get a bit antsy. I think I know where I'll take it to spend it, though.
Mar. 12th, 2006 01:13 pm (UTC)
Hehehe! I'm glad you told us what the play was about. Poor Jesus and Lazarus! And I'm glad you liked the little touches the director added. I bet that is fun to see (assuming they don't mess things up with them). I'm so glad your play went well.

And good for you with the lady at the key desk. You did the right thing.
Mar. 12th, 2006 03:06 pm (UTC)
The play was great, and it was just the diversion I needed. I ordered a video, so I'll be able to enjoy it again after Le Thesis. The director was a really good guy, too. I'm told that, on his first read-through of the script, he started giggling uncontrollably, so I had high hopes for him.

At the key desk, I did exactly the same thing I've been doing in situations like that ever since I could talk. Even though I'm twenty-nine-and-a-half years old, my first response is "Call a grownup!"
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )


by Illsaysheis

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