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Life's Little Imponderables

We had a very weird Yiddish homework assignment this weekend. We're learning the conditional (woulda, coulda, shoulda), and one of our homework assignments was to write what we'd do if the Messiah came.

I have no idea how to answer this question. What does one do when Messiah shows up? Say hi? Invite him (her?) in for tea? Ask what took him (her?) so long? There isn't any real etiquette for that sort of situation. I mean, after all the first hallelujahs were over, what would you talk about? The Cubs scores? You can't really make small talk with Messiah.

This is not the sort of thing they cover in shul. They just cover "hope for Messiah," not "etiquette for when Messiah actually turns up."

So . . . what would you do if Messiah showed up at your door one day?


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 3rd, 2008 03:25 am (UTC)
I believe it was actually you who suggested, in reference to "To spend one day with Thee on Earth", a trip to the Lincoln Park Zoo.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
Did I? I don't remember saying so, but it sounds like a good idea anyway. For summer, at least.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
I think my initial reaction would be to say "Oh, thank God". LOL:) What a funny assignment.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
I think my initial reaction would be to be very very surprised.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 12:41 pm (UTC)
Well, yes. That's why I'd be saying "thank God":)
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:51 am (UTC)
I'd probably be gobsmacked, then start blinking furiously (because, really, who wants to cry in front of someone you just met?). After that, I'd invite him for tea, and just have a chat. Nothing fancy or posh, just... like I was having tea with a friend.

Then again, I'm probably not the most normal reaction ;)
Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:20 pm (UTC)
You know, I think I'd invite him/her in for tea, too. That's what I wrote on my homework, anyway. A nice cup of tea puts all problems and strange happenings in a much better light, and then you can deal with them.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
Faint? Grovel? Prostrate myself? ... Um, I don't really know! What an odd assignment.

Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:21 pm (UTC)
It is an odd assignment. It's meant just so we can practice the conditional, but still. One guy in class decided that, if Messiah came, he'd go to sleep. The professor expressed surprise, so the kid explained that he really needed the sleep and figured that, if Messiah were around, people probably would be too busy to demand homework, and there would be time for napping!
Mar. 3rd, 2008 09:27 am (UTC)
First I'd take a picture, 'cause no one would ever believe I was hanging with the Messiah.

Then I'd probably ask to see his/her passport/ID card, since there's such a debate about who exactly is the Messiah (right? or is there some sort of consensus I missed out on?).
Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:22 pm (UTC)
Honestly? I think that if Messiah came, the gummint might either hold him/her up at Immigration forever or just declare him/her an enemy combatant, snick-snack at the wrists, and off to Gitmo.

I said so in class, and the professor was very surprised.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:46 pm (UTC)
I suppose much of that depends on whether s/he is entering the country by land, sea, air or finger-snapping corporeality. I don't think the latter is subject to immigration control.

That must have been an interesting class discussion.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 01:54 pm (UTC)
Well, the professor found the question in the textbook, and decided we should each go around the room and answer it. Which, as you can probably guess, resulted in a parade of utterly gobsmacked faces, as we all realized that we could talk in the conditional until . . . well, until Messiah came, but that none of us had any clue what to do after.

This is kind of why my standard response to the question "What Would Jesus Do?" is "He'd wander out into the street and get hit by a bus, because Jesus does not know from cars."
Mar. 3rd, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC)
I am such an opportunist. I think that would be so easy. My only problem would be whether to start with my long list of complaints, or my shorter list of immediate quick fixes I would like.
Mar. 3rd, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
Carpe diem is always a popular option, I think. Make the most of an unexpected opportunity.
Mar. 4th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC)
First of all, why can't you gossip or just talk with the messiah on ordinary things? I'm sure he'd like to be treated as a normal human being. Heck, I think he'd like to rent some about all the s**t he's been through to be recognized as the messiah.

That could be interesting. *evil grin*

I just got the visual of that REM video, where an angel falls down from heaven and the first thing man does is poke him and torture him to see if he's real. I'd probably be one of those people. "Okay buddy-o, first thing's first. Drop your pants and bend over, we've got to see if everything's legit. You say you're the messiah, but until I see if your shit don't smell I ain't gonna believe it."
Mar. 5th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
Well, the messiah's been gone so long, what would you have to talk about? Tea is probably a good start, though, now that I think of it. A good cup of tea smooths over so many of life's problems.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )